Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
