Have you finally orgasmed yet?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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