I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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