I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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