My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
