# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
