i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
