My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
