god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Holy shit dude........stairs
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