Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
