I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
