Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
