Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
