why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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