Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize