My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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