i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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