i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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