I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
