took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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