Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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