he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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