these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
