if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My vagina just recognized that song.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
