im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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