Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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