Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
