He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My liver just had a heart attack.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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