Do vagina's smell?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize