I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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