3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
