I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
