I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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