if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
