lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
