there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
