i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
