is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
