you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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