Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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