Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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