there's paper in my vomit.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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