planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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