Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
