he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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