i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
