She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
