i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
