We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
