I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
