just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
