His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize