K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
