Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
