I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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