Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
