another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
