butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
