It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
