Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
