Redeem this text for a blowjob
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
