If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
