i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
