Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
