Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
