When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
