Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
