i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
