As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
