1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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