the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
