and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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