Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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