Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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