honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
