but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
