You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
