No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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