Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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