margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
