got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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