He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
