yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
