I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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