i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
