Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
