Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
