how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
