I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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