Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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