I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
