Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
