oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
