Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You took a bar mat shot.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
