Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
