I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
