My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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