hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
