Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
