I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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