Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
