Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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