Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
