Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
