but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
