I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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