No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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