WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
