You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
