Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize