Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
