she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
