I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize