Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
