I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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