If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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