Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
