but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
