dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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