i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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