You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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