Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize