If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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