tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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