This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
