i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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