I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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