wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
